This is from when Computer Head’s face was made of neon green gaffer tape.
Dave, the 6th Borough Ostrich
Dave is a greedy, unfriendly prick. Sure I’ve made fun of him on numerous occasions for having such a mundane monicker, but can you blame me? I mean — Dave? He’s gotten the booby prize almost every month at the Frankie’s Apartment Name Awards Ceremony, when we celebrate the best in baby names, product names, movie names, character names, and nicknames we might have overheard on the street.
Why celebrate every month? Me no know, but I can tell you this: it’s one helluva get-together. And by this I mean UNLIMITED cheese and crackers. We serve a bathtub of crackers. And we erect a wall of cheese. Someone OD’s every month. Literally — a medical heart-stopping overdose. We have an adrenaline shot on hand, like that one in Pulp Fiction. Usually it’s Mr. Parfenix, which is fun because we wait a little bit longer every month to give him the shot.
PEOPLE IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD: Singh!
Singh, possibly the most stylish post office worker in all the six boroughs, says that he wouldn’t know what to do without his Beats By Dre headphones.
Singh wears a kurta in regulation post office blue and a two-tone turban wrap method that took him “years to perfect”.
Not everyone likes to use the USPS issued pocket protectors, but Singh says “it guarantees my kurta’s longevity.”
Singh is a happy man.
6th Boro Recap: MARCH
No-No Pipi OK.
For ALL your Accordion Needs.
Tires.
Discounts.
More Discounts.
Three Amigos.
Triangle Style.
Chinatown Arts and Performance Center.
To the left of the garage: Purple Licorice Vapors.
Enith.
Hosiery, in the ideal sense, is VERY well represented by this storefront. Hosers everywhere! You have a clubhouse! There’s an international Hoser Conference held here every Thanksgiving Weekend. Mr. Parfenix gives his usual shish-kebab address and Sudsy deejays old anti-stress cassettes. Me and Rubbish sell fonuts (fake donuts) and foca-fola (thanks Sodastream!) at a table near the bathroom (actually, in the bathroom. This place is small!). Computer-Head sleeps on a folding chair and Bill the Snowman tries some of his comedy routine on the rest of the rodents that obviously frequent the nooks and crannies of this fine establishment.
Packed every morning.
Not packed every morning.
Park wherever you like!
Yin-Yang. Also Mr. Parfenix’s favorite fashion label.
NN Muffler.
But My Ears Hurts.
Fruit Stand Chew
BREAKING NEWS: Mrs. Claus Sighting
Mrs. Claus sighting 7:59am yesterday at the 2nd Avenue Subway Station. Dressed in her “civilian” clothes and in what may or may not be a wig. She was suspiciously trying to text someone on her glittery pink phone even though there’s no chance of getting any cel signal down there. Curious… Does this mean that Mr. & Mrs. are on the skids??? Stay tuned as we cover this breaking news story.
Coming Soon To a Sweatshirt Near Me
Every Friday, the Frankie’s Apartment gang celebrates at the Oyster Bar in Grand Central Station by eating lobster and sipping Negroni’s. That’s why we’re making a collab/split label deal with the local copy shop to get this t-shirt graphic done (on a sweatshirt) of the famous Oyster Bar lobster bib. I asked my waiter if that was OK and he said OK.
Lobster and melted butters.
Lemons to clean your hands when you’re done wearing it.
Rubbish Trapped In Shlog Space
I was tinkering around with some HTML the other day trying to get some PIN numbers, when I got sucked up into the Shlog (otherwise known as this blog you’re looking at right now). I can’t seem to find my way out of this weird place. Can someone please email me some cheese & crackers or some caviar? There’s only rotten egg fu yung and frozen pizza in these posts. HELP!!!!!