Check out the lady’s toenails.
Category Archives: STUFF I COLLECT
3 Business Cards
50’s Hobby Shop still going in Astoria. Yes, one side is spaceship models, balsa wood, and train miniatures and the the other side is statues of Jesus, Mary and the other guys.
Best Vietnamese in Manhattan:
Back of Nha Trang card:
22-year-old stationary supply on 8th Ave. They repair typewriters.
Bill the Snowman: More Family Photos
Bill, our resident therapist and smart guy, is a Snowman and a sarcastic know-it-all. In fact, he comes from a long line of Snowman “prodigies”. Below is his grand-uncle Marv, who was a wild and crazy party type.
Marv died from a guacamole overdose even though some claim it was margarita poisoning.
Bill’s mother’s quarter-brother called himself Ice Cube way before the rapper did. He was a successful vaudeville comedian and songster, performing in refrigerators and ice cream counters across the country.
Since he was in showbiz, Ice Cube liked to stay trim, and he got his neck molded all long, to be like his signature look. It was distinctive but sometimes a kid in a duncecap would come backstage and say, “You’re a funny giraffes that fer sure.”
Ice Cube’s famous “belt” was recently auctioned off for a whopping 6 dollars at a memorabilia show.
Ned, Bill’s second cousin, was a always a sadsack.
Some people say it was his broomstick arms that made him wallow, but everybody knows that Ned’s molder, Ethel, loved her dog Eustace way more than Ned. Ethel would always say, “Why can’t you be more like Eustace, Ned?” Ned would try to bark and he’d try to get fleas, but he’d be accused of “trying too hard”. Worst was when Eustace would pee on Ned, and Ethel would accuse Ned of “peeing in his pants”. Ned would say, “But I don’t wear pants.” Then Eustace would say, “That’s why nobody loves you. Pants make the man.” Which drove Ned to go on his famous “Quest for the Perfect Pair of Pants”. Legend has it that he finally found a pair that fit perfectly but Ned melted minutes later in the dressing room at a Sears in Mississippi.
Oswald was Bill’s half-uncle. The two little girls in front of him used to torture him. Sadie and Wedgie. They were both locked up years later for several armed robberies and a slew of murders in Northern Nebraska.
Oswald lived a happy life for a few years after they’d gone to prison, until they finally owned up to murdering their little sister Betsy. Once they told the police where her body was, Oswald’s days were numbered. (NOTE: Betsy’s body was inside Oswald.)
Bill’s step-brother Glenn lived every day like it was New Year’s Eve. By lunchtime he’d be two bottles deep on champagne. The kids he lived with were drunk too. They were always trying to make a Snow-Lady for Glenn but they could never get past her lowest body-ball.
Glenn would get belligerent when the champagne would run out and start calling the kid’s names. Eventually, he forgot their real names and only addressed them as Shit, Fart, and Scum.
Belinda was Bill’s Aunt. As leader of this powerful clique of gossips and petty criminals, Belinda was able to climb the political ladder of her town of Noswego, North Dakota.
As mayor, her air conditioning policies have revolutionized the way residents think about a “summer coat”.
Gumball Reverso
Oh the dangers of being replicated in a novelty toy factory in China! Of course they got the colors “wrong”, they never heard of Gumby or his pony pal Pokey. Were U.S. kids upset when they got the “wrong color” Gumby and Pokey out of the Gumball Machine at the supermarket? Would an orange Gumby have been as successful as the green Gumby? Is this a question of race or just a question of clay? Was Gumby actually a successful property? Sometimes I feel like people only really like the Eddie Murphy version of Gumby from Saturday Night Live, where he played it like Gumby was an old washed up Jewish vaudeville type. I like it when Gumby would just flatten out and hide from people.
Hats Off To This Guy For Wearing A Cake As A Hat
Three Things:
1. Oh, to find the right hat!
2. This hat is WAY better than a baseball cap. If we’re not careful they might pass a law in America that you HAVE to wear a baseball cap.
3. Hat in French is CHAPEAU.
4. I bet people blow out this guy’s hat all the time and make a wish.
5. If I was this guy, I’d eat my hat before I got to work in the morning.
6. Wearing this hat really takes the sting out of the threat, “If I’m wrong, I’ll eat my hat!”
7. This guy’s hair is a real close second to his hat.
RAP (wrote it m’self):
My Hat
My Chapeau
I put it on
I’m out the do’. (Door)
CONFESSION:
Whenever I have an opportunity to make a wish, I wish for a million dollars. At this point in the future, I am very conscious that I should up the number (or wish for something way better) but I can’t, my brain wishes for a million dollars before I can stop it.
MEXICAN COMICS: EL SUPER RATON
THE SUPER MOUSE!
No Need for Translation.
MEXICAN COMICS: El DESLIZADOR DE PLATA
The Mexican Silver Surfer translates better as THE SILVER SLIDER or the THE SILVER SLIPPER, as is THE SILVER ONE WHO SLIPS OR SLIDES.
Yellow type on black: SEE THE MOST UNEXPECTED END OF THE YEAR.
In white explosion: SEE HOW AMAZING POWERS FIGHT IN THEM STREETS OF NEW YORK.
Yellow blocks at bottom: See: Mephisto win at last!
Cigarette ad on the right.
MEXICAN COMICS: LOS VENGADORES
Namewise, Los Vendadores kinda trumps The Avengers.
You can see the rest of the team on the billboard in the lower right hand corner of the comic.
Finally! The Secret of the Mole revealed!
MEXICAN COMICS: DIABOLICO
El Hombre Que No Teme A Nada. TRANSLATION: The Man That There Is Nothing To Fear.
The Death of MIKE MURDOCK. In the States, Daredevil’s name is Matt. Maybe the name MIKE is more relatable in Mexico. Or, this is about the death of DD’s little known brother Mike.
I liked Davedevil enough but Matt Murdock was always a simp. He might have been blind and fearless, but he was always pleading and feeling bad and looking guilty.
MEXICAN COMICS: El Hombre De Hierro
THE MAN OF IRON!!
REVISTA PARA ADULTOS means Adult Magazine. Sure, my Grandma used to read Iron Man all the time.
I always loved how the Lines drawn on the underpants section of Iron Man’s suit was supposed to make you think they had more give, like they folded into themselves when he crouched or sat down.
