Author Archives: Rubbish The Rat
Santa Warlord
Santa Claus in Bulgaria is more of a Wizardy Warlord than the cheery fat doofus we all love here in the ‘States. He’s really cranky, isn’t fat (he’s a very picky eater) and carries a staff which he refers to as “Reindeer Motivation”. Santa Warlord also hangs presents from the Christmas tree so he can laugh at all the bratty kids jumping in the air trying to get them.
The Easter Bunny Ghost
This guy is actually the ghost of an Easter Bunny who’s come back to haunt the good little children with his giant white bow-tie. “Why is your tie white?”, asked the little girl as she put her arm around him. “My bow-tie used to be pink, but it died a horrible death… just like I did”. The little girl called him a liar, threw her pink egg at him and ran away.
Easter is only 195 days from now!
Thanks to Vivian “The Baker” for this polaroid submission!
Fashion Week Expose: Fashion Twins Activate!
Saffron (left) & Wanda call themselves “Fashion Twins Activate!” and are 2 of the hottest dressers in the 6th Borough. They also go by “Masters of Coordination” & “US2B2HOT4U” (can’t have too many nicknames in the 6th!). They’re always dressed to the 9’s, always coordinated and almost never clash… unless they meant to.
When I asked them Neighborhood News Question #132 “Why is it important to have style?”, Saffron replied “You gotta have style” while Wanda said, “You gotta stay hydrated too!”. So for all of you shlubby nincompoops out there who’ve given up on their appearances and don’t know what to do… Drink plenty of fluids!
This is Ace Reporter Rubbish The Rat with Your Neighborhood News!
Evil Space Burger The Poet
When Evil Space Burger isn’t trying to take over the galaxy, he explores the gentler and more reflective side of himself through Poetry.
Here’s an excerpt from his latest collection, “Outer Space Is Deep Within” which shows a deep understanding of Desire vs. Survival
His opus “Who Is This” is a true thought provoking tear-jerker which eloquently addresses the concept of a being’s place in the universe:
Critics have theorized that the confused and lonely “Peter” is actually Evil Space Burger as a young boy.
Puddles The Cat Has Been Found!!!
Here is a wonderful voicemail from one of our adoring fans, ADAM VASQUEZ. He watches Frankie’s Apartment on CAN TV in Chicago. Apparently he’s found that mangy cat who used to hang out by the dumpsters behind our building. If I knew Puddles was from Chicago, I would have listened to him talk more often… I do love me some Chee-Ca-Goh accent!
Original shlogpost from over 2 years ago:
The current exchange rate of 250 Pesos is $19.02 USD (Our fans have never been good with money!)
Grey Space
Potner
Potner is just another creep who wants his own show. While a sitcom about a pot does sound OK, I don’t think it’ll fly with the Execs in Hollywood.
Hasn’t discouraged Potner from coming up with his catch phrase though:
“HOWDY POTNERS!”.
Farney Finklefipher
Farney Finklefipher is the most prominent “Hook-Fish” in Show Business today. Whenever a comedian bombs or a singer is off-key, Farney is there to pull those failing performers off-stage with his hook (which he’s also started to use as his swimming cane. “He’s a fish with a low tolerance for corny!”, says Comedian Brian Regan. The legendary Redd Foxx was also a big fan back in the day: “Goddamn! Now that’s a Mackerel!”. The world is just a little more safe with Farney patrolling the stage!
Pillow
Who doesn’t like a good pillow? In fact I love my pillow. We’ve been seeing each other for like 11 years now. My pillow wants us to take the next step, but I have commitment issues. Maybe we just want different things out of life? Maybe I just don’t want to settle down quite yet? Let’s be honest though, my pillow only likes me for my money. Which is actually Frankie’s money. So maybe Frankie should marry my pillow and leave me the hell out of it!
