3 Business Cards

50’s Hobby Shop still going in Astoria.  Yes, one side is spaceship models, balsa wood, and train miniatures and the the other side is statues of Jesus, Mary and the other guys.

 

Business Card - Rudy's

 

Best Vietnamese in Manhattan:

 

Business Card - Nha Trang

 

Back of Nha Trang card:

 

Business Card - Nha Trang Map

 

 

22-year-old stationary supply on 8th Ave. They repair typewriters.

 

Business Card - Typewriters

Bill the Snowman: More Family Photos

Bill, our resident therapist and smart guy, is a Snowman and a sarcastic know-it-all.  In fact, he comes from a long line of Snowman “prodigies”.  Below is his grand-uncle Marv, who was a wild and crazy party type.

 

Snowman - Straw Hat Snowman

 

Marv died from a  guacamole overdose even though some claim it was margarita poisoning.

 

Snowman - Straw Hat Snowman CU

 

Bill’s mother’s quarter-brother called himself Ice Cube way before the rapper did.  He was a successful vaudeville comedian and songster, performing in refrigerators and ice cream counters across the country.

 

Snowman - Skinny

 

Since he was in showbiz, Ice Cube liked to stay trim, and he got his neck molded all long, to be like his signature look.   It was distinctive but sometimes a kid in a duncecap would come backstage and say, “You’re a funny giraffes that fer sure.”

 

Snowman - Skinny Hat and Tie CU

 

Ice Cube’s famous “belt” was recently auctioned off for a whopping 6 dollars at a memorabilia show.

 

Snowman - Skinny Belt CU

 

Ned, Bill’s second cousin, was a always a sadsack.

 

Snowman - Sad Snowman with Dog

 

Some people say it was his broomstick arms that made him wallow, but everybody knows that Ned’s molder, Ethel, loved her dog Eustace way more than Ned.  Ethel would always say, “Why can’t you be more like Eustace, Ned?”  Ned would try to bark and he’d try to get fleas, but he’d be accused of “trying too hard”. Worst was when Eustace would pee on Ned, and Ethel would accuse Ned of “peeing in his pants”.  Ned would say, “But I don’t wear pants.”  Then Eustace would say, “That’s why nobody loves you. Pants make the man.” Which drove Ned to go on his famous “Quest for the Perfect Pair of Pants”. Legend has it that he finally found a pair that fit perfectly but Ned melted minutes later in the dressing room at a Sears in Mississippi.

 

Snowman - Sad Snowman with Dog CU

 

Oswald was Bill’s half-uncle.  The two little girls in front of him used to torture him.  Sadie and Wedgie.  They were both locked up years later for several armed robberies and a slew of murders in Northern Nebraska.

 

Snowman - Sad and Human

 

Oswald lived a happy life for a few years after they’d gone to prison, until they finally owned up to murdering their little sister Betsy. Once they told the police where her body was, Oswald’s days were numbered.  (NOTE: Betsy’s body was inside Oswald.)

 

Snowman - Sad and Human CU

 

Bill’s step-brother Glenn lived every day like it was New Year’s Eve.  By lunchtime he’d be two bottles deep on champagne.  The kids he lived with were drunk too.  They were always trying to make a Snow-Lady for Glenn but they could never get past her lowest body-ball.

 

Snowman - Party Hat Sad Kid

 

Glenn would get belligerent when the champagne would run out and start calling the kid’s names. Eventually, he forgot their real names and only addressed them as Shit, Fart, and Scum.

 

Snowman - Party Hat Sad Kid CU

 

Belinda was Bill’s Aunt.  As leader of this powerful clique of gossips and petty criminals, Belinda was able to climb the political ladder of her town of Noswego, North Dakota.

 

Snowman - Old Lady

 

As mayor, her air conditioning policies have revolutionized the way residents think about a “summer coat”.

 

Snowman - Old Lady Snowman CU

Huckleberry Hound Teeter Totter

My best friend in First Grade, Louie Bruno, always said that life is like a teeter totter.  You go up, you go down.  But what if you actually were a teeter totter? Well, Huckleberry Hound from those funny animal Hanna Barbera Cartoons from the 60’s and 70’s and 80’s had to take a job as one.

 

Bk Playground - Huckleberry Hound Seesaw

 

There’s not a lot of employment opportunities for out-of-work cartoon dogs.  Sure, he gets some residuals from whatever airtime he still gets on Cartoon Network, but it’s just peanuts (literally — cartoons are insane — if you off them 50 bucks or 50 peanuts they’ll take the peanuts every time.  Peanuts are funnier).

 

Look at poor Huck’s eyes. Years of upness and downness have obviously taken it’s toll on the dog — he’s a wreck.  He looks more worried than Wembley from Fraggle Rock.  More worried than Richard Pryor in Superman III.  More worried than one of those sundaes that Tony Soprano makes for himself.

 

Bk Playground - Huckleberry Hound Eyes

Still, he shows up to work everyday with his bow tie starched and ready to wiggle.

 

Bk Playground - Huckleberry Hound BOWTIE CU