Monthly Archives: January 2013

Old Cometman

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Old Comet-Man is crazy.  He flies around the Zaghaven skies all day, “on patrol”.  He’s down with a
few other bootleg superhero maniacs – Shmiderman and Batbro (aka Mr. Lavender).  Technically, they’re a
gang, and they like to be categorized as “Good Guys” but they’re whole thing is that they’re knockoff/bootleg/copycat weirdos — so they’re more like “Medium Guys”.  Or more like “Guys You
Should Avoid At All Costs”.  Being Bootleg means you tend to lie a lot.  If you ask anybody in
the “Life Isn’t Fair Posse” (their Justice League name), if they ever saw any movie or read any book,
they ALWAYS say yes.  If you ask them what it’s about they just adlib.  It’s actually pretty amazing.
Oh yeah, I forget to mention that Mr. Parfenix used to be in the Life Isn’t Fair Posse but they kicked
him out for shitting all over their headquarters (the bodega on Mold St. and Sorgum Ave).

Planet Fashions Gear on Sorgum Ave.

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Run by a Venusian family since 1987, Planet Fashions Gear has all the dope styles.
All the dope styles from 1987, that is.
They have a Venusian “Materializer” in the back of the store, but they only have the molecular
lay-outs of the coolest shit from the ’86-’87 school year.  That’s why brands like Ton Sur Ton,
Union Bay, Bugle Boys, and Ocean Pacific are still huge in the Sixth.

Planet Fashions Gear on Sorgum Ave.

by
Run by a Venusian family since 1987, Planet Fashions Gear has all the dope styles.
All the dope styles from 1987, that is.
They have a Venusian “Materializer” in the back of the store, but they only have the molecular
lay-outs of the coolest shit from the ’86-’87 school year.  That’s why brands like Ton Sur Ton,
Union Bay, Bugle Boys, and Ocean Pacific are still huge in the Sixth.

Leprechauns: Best or Worst Holiday Mascot

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I’m obsessed with the new hit cartoon, “The Leprechauns”.  It is so good and funny.  I love the little
shantytown that they live in and I love all the stuff about gold in them.  I like The Leprechauns
better than The Smurfs.  They are magical and mischievous.  How can you get better than that?
I love how they have funny voices and always make people look dumb.  That’s funny.
I also like the dog-leprechaun character and that other character they have who is like some
kind of even-smaller, cuter leprechaun-ghost named Tricks.

The thing I like best about Leprechauns is that the bad guys are everybody else.  All the humans, no
matter how nice they are, become the bad guys when they deal with Leprechauns.  That’s because
Leprechauns bring out the worst in us.  That’s also funny.  Maybe one day I’ll record some of the
Leprechauns cartoon and show it to you.  

Leprechauns: Best or Worst Holiday Mascot

by
I’m obsessed with the new hit cartoon, “The Leprechauns”.  It is so good and funny.  I love the little
shantytown that they live in and I love all the stuff about gold in them.  I like The Leprechauns
better than The Smurfs.  They are magical and mischievous.  How can you get better than that?
I love how they have funny voices and always make people look dumb.  That’s funny.
I also like the dog-leprechaun character and that other character they have who is like some
kind of even-smaller, cuter leprechaun-ghost named Tricks.

The thing I like best about Leprechauns is that the bad guys are everybody else.  All the humans, no
matter how nice they are, become the bad guys when they deal with Leprechauns.  That’s because
Leprechauns bring out the worst in us.  That’s also funny.  Maybe one day I’ll record some of the
Leprechauns cartoon and show it to you.  

Zaghaven Power Plant

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The Sixth Borough is powered by this guy.  What you see is the head of the giant robot, NUMLOCK.  The rest of his body is under there, buried 50 stories closer to the core.  Numlock used to do all that space fighting stuff, back in the day — he chilled with all the greats — Votron, Mazinger, Grandizer, Dangard,Goldorak… even Daltanias the Godsphinx.  After a particularly hard night of partying with the fellas, he fell to Earth and landed in Blue Kills Park on the North Side of the 6th.  He terrorized everybody a little bit, and even obliterated the neighborhood of Floorchester, but higher-ups at the Zephyr Candy Factory struck a deal with him to settle down in Zaghaven and quit the space-robot business.  Zephyr was in need of more power to help them meet rising Licorice orders, so, in exchange for sucking energies out of the ground, Numlock is basically undergoing a 24/7 spa treatment.  There are technicians servicing his insides at all times, keeping him perfectly tuned up.  The “rooms” inside his body are exquisitely decorated, and if you’re lucky enough to get a ticket to take a tour of his torso, it culminates in his liver (an enormous ampitheatre) where Numlock gives an astounding video lecture about space travel, star-milk, and alien muzak.  This is Numlock’s favorite, because everyone loves to hear themselves talk and he could never get a word in edgewise with those other, more famous robots.  Especially that Votron guy who was just a terrible conversationalist.