Monthly Archives: December 2012

Snow White and the Five Dwarves

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In honor of Christmas and that awful-looking 15-hour Hobbit Commercial that came out, I’m posting this
wonderful picture of Snow White and the Five Dwarves.  Dwarves are sort of like little Santas, which
is what elves sort of are, but not in Middle Earth.  Santa Elves are more like Middle Earth Dwarves,
which is what Gnomes are like.  Middle Earth Elves are just tall, thin, perfect jerks, sort of like people
in the fashion industry or a certain type of Art World person (Andy Warhol might have been a bit of an Elf).
Santa Elves obviously get down.  Middle Earth Dwarves are more disgusting than Snow White Dwarves.
The weird thing here is that Dwarves are a real thing, but in the stories they’re not supposed to be
regular human Dwarves, they’re a little more like magic Dwarves.  Weirder still is that in Middle
Earth there are Hobbits too — and they’re not Dwarves or Elves or Humans, but we’re
supposed to think that the Humans and the Hobbits got down at one point.  I think.

Best Part: Sleepy is wearing Bashful’s hat and an insane pair of false eyelashes!

REPOST: Santa Posse: The Many Faces of Claus and Those On His Lap

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From my ever-growing collection of Santa photographs, here are 5 outstanding examples of the Big Guy in the world of photography.

Santa with Twins.  A moment of perfect weirdness in the world.

You can pretty much tell that this Santa was into being Santa.

Full flown terror, and this Santa is laughing.  The girl’s older brother is chilling though.

Detail of her hand reaching out, half her crying face, and half of Santa’s laughing face.

This little girl might have lost it, but unlike the one upstairs, she’s not struggling to get away.
It’s more like sadness, over terror, but she’s resigned herself to the tragedy.

This guy’s just trying to remember what he wants for Christmas.

A little blind girl feels Santa’s beard. 

He’s a good Santa, with top-of-the-line stick-on eyebrows.  They don’t wear those anymore.
Sometimes you catch them just wear the the beard AND moustache stuck under their chins.
Santas these days.

This girl seems a little older than the other screamers.

I just think it’s great how going to see Santa, which is supposed to be a magical and fun thing,
turns into a nightmare for some kids.  And they really feel it.  They don’t like it.
I think that this girl is more like, “What is this?  I don’t get it.”

I think his eyebrows are touched up with make-up.

I suppose they’re at the Post Office, but getting stamps from Santa seems pretty weak.
That’s probably why the girl is crying.

THE PATH

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This Path leads to the other side of the 6th Borough.  Some call it the rich side.  Others say it’s the bad side.
Yes, it’s SIXTH, and technically Zaghaven, but most of us refer to it as Blue Kills, after the
Park (which you see here) of the same name. It’s nice in Blue Kills, but when it’s not rush hour, the streets
are completely deserted.  Things on the other side of the park include:
1. The Candy Factory.
2. Blue Kills Preparatory High School.
3. The Zephyr Mansion.
4. The Giraffe Stables.
5. The Handball Stadium.
5. Blue Kills North: the fancy houses that surround the park.
6. The Hole.*

*”What is the Hole?” you might ask.  It is a big hole.  It had something to do with the Rumbles.  I’ve been trying to find out about it for years.  I’m not even sure where it is.