Category Archives: STUFF I COLLECT

Halloween Crew

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Even when he was a kid, Sudsy wanted to be a ghost.
He wasn’t so fussy then either.  Who cut those holes in his sheet?  Charlie Brown?

Back in the day, Sudsy used to be the “funky” one.  He wore screwball ties and walked around
trying to talk jive with guys on the street.  He’d bop around with his Transistor radio, listening
to WBLS.  Here’s a ghost that WOULD NOT let go of disco.

Pillow on the floor?  The young Sudsy didn’t care!  Let the chips fall where they may!
What if someone wants to nap on the carpet?  There’s a pillow already down there for them.

One of Sudsy’s best friends growing up was the devil.  The Devil thinks Sudsy has changed a lot over the
years, but they still talk on the phone once in awhile.  The Devil is very proud of Sudsy for being such a
prick now but he doesn’t really like to go out to nightclubs with him anymore.  Apparently, Sudsy’s
not as fun as he used to be.  Well, you could have fooled me.  The other day he hit me on the
head with a frying pan and said, “Look what you did to my pan!  There’s blood on it!”

The kid in the center was dressed as “Coil Man”.  He was easily the worst superhero ever.
He could sort of coil himself up and spring into action.
I asked Sudsy what happened to him and Sudsy scoffed,
“I’m in the clear of that one! “
“What one?” I asked.
“There’s that double jeopardy rule you snotrag!”
“Double Jeopardy?”
“Stop interrogating me!  That lawyer tried all the  same tricks you’re trying now and they didn’t
work at the time of the trial so they’re not going to work here!  And I don’t want to
talk about how that same lawyer turned up dead in the Gowanus Canal several years later.
I had nothing to do with it!”

Skeeball Ticket + Professor Pizzaroni

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One of the lost nooks of the Sixth is our amusement park, Black Hole Pizza Fun Room.
It might look like an ordinary Pizzeria on the outside, but inside it’s all pizza all the time.
As in Pizza Mountains and Pizza People and Flying Pizzas.  If you can find your way to the
back there’s a Pizza Space Shuttle that blasts off to the Pizza Moon.  Don’t miss the
gondola ride down the Melted Mozzarella River and remember to be careful not
to let anyone pepperoni you to death.  Best thing about Black Hole Pizza Fun Room is
that they honor any and all skeeball tickets AND/OR arcade tokens from anywhere, anytime.
One of our new Reporters, Professor Pizzaroni, used to work at Black Hole Pizza Fun Room
but he was boring the kids by making them play school instead of going pizza sledding or pizza
hang-gliding or (my favorite) listening to pizza music.  Imagine being forced to listen to
some giant pizza guy read you excerpts from Malcolm Lowry’s book “Under The Volcano”.
They had to let Pizzaroni go because he wouldn’t give parents back their kids until they’d written
a 10-page book report on Lowry’s drivel.  Pizzaroni and me don’t really see eye to eye on
literature.  I think it must have something to do with him reading the “pizza versions” of
all these books, while I just read the Cliff Notes.
A sneak peek at Professor Pizzaroni.  His mortarboard (graduation cap) is out getting a tune-up.