Category Archives: STUFF I COLLECT

NETFLIX does it again!

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I’ve been waiting for a reboot of Hey Nephew!

 

Back in 1991, Hey Nephew! was my absolute FAVORITE Greeting Card (FOR nephews,
FROM aunts and uncles).  Of course, it doesn’t hold a candle to some of the Easter Cards for
a GRANDSON from that era, but it definitely beats most of the Graduation Greetings
offered in this period.
What a cool dog.  I always wondered what the other side of his face looks like.  I hope
Netflix “keeps it real” and never shows it though.  That’s one of the main mysteries of this
Greeting Card.  It would be like telling us who killed Laura Palmer to open up the show.
Tank Top tucked into belted Shorts.  I sense a theme.
Jams style shorts.  Let’s hope they’re anthropomorphic in the show.
I used to look at these sneakers for almost 2 seconds, one time. I never had a fantasy about them and they barely registered back then. I can’t wait to see what Netflix has in store for these guys!

Tricycle City: Derek

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Derek’s cool, except when he starts complaining about his lack of torso.  I’m always like, but
you’ve got those nice long legs.  He’s like, “If I had an appropriate size torso, they wouldn’t seem so
long.”  I go, “Well, that’s one way of looking at it.  Why don’t you get some cooler clothes?
Maybe some baggy jeans and an oversized sweater?  That 90’s look worked for a lot of
fat ugly-bodied rappers back in the day.  Your little German Schoolboy Uniform doesn’t help
your torso situation.”  He starts yelling, ” LET ME REMIND YOU, SIR: I WAS SCULPTED
THIS WAY, CLOTHES AND ALL!  I ACCUSE YOU NOW OF TOYISM!!”  Toyism is
like toy racism, or like, insensitivity to their rights and feelings.  I apologized.
Never get into it with a toy about how they were sculpted.  Either they drop mad
ego on you or they start complaining about the factory, and the conveyor belts, and
the way some guy fucked up their paintjob.  Not to mention all that heavy stuff: they’re
all on anti-depressants because of the time they spent in their original packaging.
Toys that were on the shelf for more than a week are all scarred for life.  They
never bounce back from that feeling of not being wanted.