All the other Welcome Mats in the city don’t rock the boat. They take the name of their “father” (inventor Matt Feldspar) and they lay on the floor like they’re supposed to. They keep themselves fit and clean and put on a good show. Dead fish, I call them! They don’t know the meaning of the word WELCOME (as in, “WELL? What are you waiting for? COME on on in!!”).
Not Seth! Even when he was just a teeny tiny baby welcome mat, he prayed for cockroaches to cross his threshold. The only good Welcome Mat is one that’s worn and filthy. Sadly, that greatness comes at a cost. Seth is totally brain damaged from all that wiping and getting stepped on. He dribbles milk when he eats his cereal in the morning and he always wonders why he is on the television program he is watching when he watches “Friends” (but I guess Chandler is a dead ringer for Seth). On the bright side he is getting married to Pamela, the dirt-black splotch of old bubblegum on the concrete that is about 12 inches off camera, to the right. Pamela’s pretty stupid too, but she was always a dipshit, even when she was just a brand-new 14-inch strip of Bubble Tape.
Sudsys head would explode if he saw that mat.
-Also Sudsys’ singing is haunting my Instagram feed. It is rather lovely.