Monthly Archives: September 2012

Mr. Parfenix Really Wants His Rent

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So I’m a little behind.  So what?

And if you actually listen to the above message, you’ll hear Mr. Parfenix say he’s gonna “vanilla box” my house.  Vanilla Box is a real estate term for emptying an apartment, cleaning and clearing it, painting it white, and making it ready for a new tenant to move in and do what they’re gonna do to the place.  Also called “Vanilla Shell” and “White Box”.

Bubble-Rope Mascot

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Obviously a sad product of Adobe’s Illustrator program, the Bubble-Rope mascot “Gum-Zums” still
has something going for him.  I mean, he seems screwed up and nervous and falling over.
But you would be too if you were getting chewed all the time, just waiting for the day you’d become
one of those black circles on the concrete.

Voortman’s Cookies

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So the Voortman’s “Cookie Kids” Mascots of the massive Voortman’s Cookie Empire all have cookies for ears
and are completely deaf.   In the commercials all the Kids are just screaming “What?” to each other and to
the teachers and to the bus driver. But when their little cookie ears grow to be be big and ripe, the Cookie Kid
that sits behind them on the Voortman’s Cookie Schoolbus plucks the ear-cookie and puts in in a wrapper for
you to enjoy. 
Slightly less popular are the troublesome Voortman “Living Wafer” Mascots who sit in the back of the bus
and make fun of the Cookie Kids and give them wedgies and wet willies and noogies all the time.
The Living Wafers think they’re so cool, smoking cigarettes and making out with each other all the time.
I mean, they are Zero Trans Fat, but what self-respecting wafer isn’t these days?

Seriously, these guys are such assholes.

Voortman’s Cookies

by
So the Voortman’s “Cookie Kids” Mascots of the massive Voortman’s Cookie Empire all have cookies for ears
and are completely deaf.   In the commercials all the Kids are just screaming “What?” to each other and to
the teachers and to the bus driver. But when their little cookie ears grow to be be big and ripe, the Cookie Kid
that sits behind them on the Voortman’s Cookie Schoolbus plucks the ear-cookie and puts in in a wrapper for
you to enjoy. 
Slightly less popular are the troublesome Voortman “Living Wafer” Mascots who sit in the back of the bus
and make fun of the Cookie Kids and give them wedgies and wet willies and noogies all the time.
The Living Wafers think they’re so cool, smoking cigarettes and making out with each other all the time.
I mean, they are Zero Trans Fat, but what self-respecting wafer isn’t these days?

Seriously, these guys are such assholes.